I know this topic too well. I like to have a diversity of friends, people who cannot relate to my other friends. They’re all different with different interests. But there’s one thing I learned that was common for some of the “friends” from my past. They had to go.
Not because I have a time in the year where I dismiss people, nevertheless ever since I started making friends, I learned who I should be a good friend with. There are “friends” that would try to use you, abuse you, manipulate you, or simply ignore your needs as a friend.
Since I know the signs, I wanted to share some reasons and ideas that might tell you when to detox from friends. If you truly think about it, you’ve had to step away from the friendships as well.
Their Problems are Your Problems
How sway? How can someone ever put their problems on me? Well, it’s easy when you want to be a good friend.
For example, “I can’t do this on my own, you have to help me!” or “I bought some Beyonce tickets and now I can’t afford rent, can I move in with you?”. Imagine this on a consistent level. It happens.
Being a good friend doesn’t mean you have to be a crutch. Helping a friend every time won’t help them grow and learn how to be a better person and friend. Supporting versus solving problems isn’t the same.
Lack of Upliftment
A rough day equals a day to vent to your friends. On the other hand, when you call your friend, have you realized they don’t have a team spirit? “You got this!” “Stop doubting yourself” or “You know your skills, don’t be ashamed to display” is what you’re looking for because that’s what you give on their rough days.
So I ask if your “friend” doesn’t give you the pep talk you need, like the cheerleader you need occasionally, when you’re down, do they really need to be around when you’re up?
Communicating Goes One Way
Now, I’m all for staying on the phone for two hours and gossiping or venting with my friend; that’s a requirement once a week. But when I realize we got off the phone and I didn’t discuss my weekly issues because they were mad about Johnny, I’m calling you back.
From my perspective, my friend is my unlicensed therapist with advice and suggestions. We are both outlets. There are times where I’ll let them vent and focus on them. But if they constantly call me with their issues and never want to hear mine, it’s a sign.
We have physical, spiritual mental, and emotional energy. All energy is important. Sometimes in a friendship, you need to use all of them. Whether it’s helping, being a listening ear, or praying for them.
You must notice when your energy is depleting, and when no one is filling it. Some people can take away your energy. Your friend may ask you to go out to a party when they know you need to study for a final, make you feel guilty for not helping, or constantly being an emotional rollercoaster.
Knowing your best interests aside from friends prevents people from draining your energy.
As life goes on, friends will come and go. Some people are meant for a season. Not everyone is going to give the same energy in a friendship. Learn how you should be treated and know when to detox people from your life. Whether it’s temporary or permanent.
Have you ever detox from a friend? How should a friend be treated?